Last night I went out to dinner with Nik and two of our friends that are our married to each other. She's super successful, he's super successful. They have two gorgeous kids. They are building a new house in a beautiful historical neighrborhood in Brooklyn. Sounds like a pretty good life right? For some of us, definitely.
I'm still unsure where I want to plant some roots- but I know it's not NYC. You really can't plant roots here unless you have an excess of money. And I don't, not right now. Chasing your passion means investing a lot of money in yourself without knowing if it's going to pay off in the end. It's a huge risk. And it's scary.
Last night at dinner, they both suggested I hire a local film student/crew while I'm in Thailand to chronicle the trip. Either that, or pay for a friends ticket to come join me once I've started training at Muay Thai. I'm thinking bringing along would be the best idea. When I was considering it though, it seemed so outlandish. I'm spending all this money to get over there, I can't afford to bring someone else. I tried justifying it to myself, not spending the money to potentially create something that I can share with the world.
It's insane how quickly we shut our dreams down- because we don't have enough money, because we don't think anyone will watch or listen, because we don't care enough about ourselves. Those are all my fears. Belief is what pushes you past these barriers. Modeling has been the slowest it's ever been for me, hence the reason I am taking this time now to travel to Thailand and capture this experience. The more money I invest, the more fearful I become. On the flip side, the more I invest in myself, the better the outcome will be. It's one big circle.
I still haven't decided on a partner yet. My good friend Gabriel Gastelum is super talented and we are going to meet up tonight to talk about it. He's going to come take my class and then we'll grab some dinner afterwards. I also worked with a young filmmaker named Parker Friedrich who seems very interested. I've also worked with these two photographers and film makers, the Hayes Bros, so I'm going to reach out to them. I think they may be too rich for my blood. I'm going to offer a free ticket and place to stay. I think I'm going to reach out to some people to Instagram as well... But not before I chat with both Gabe and Parker.
All of that feeds into the title of the post today but I also wanted to write specifically about your Boots of Responsibility coming around to kick you in the ass. I have so much crap to do for registering my car in New York, when it all could have been avoided if I just sent in the renewal slip to Jersey when I still had mail delivered there. Now, I have to get a new social security card, a new title for my car, new registration, new NY license, and I just got insurance for a car I use very rarely. And if it sounds like I'm complaining, I only have myself to blame.
When urgent, important necessary life junk presents itself to you, deal with it ASAP. Don't let it remind you later with a $60 fee that didn't exist before. Be the authority of your world. Stay on top of your life. Your mom, or dad, or boyfriend, or girlfriend isn't always going to tell you to get shit done, and it's not their responsibility anyway. Lace up those Boots of Responsibility everyday (mine are black with blue lightning bolts on the side). They are just one of your heroic artifacts you'll acquire on your heroic journey to Climb Mount Must.
All of this- taxes, car registration, finding a filmmaker, learning how to become a filmmaker, posting on YouTube, making a website- it's all part of the preparation to climb Mount Must. It's the climb before the climb, like bouldering at an indoor gym. Every handhold I conquer becomes one more item to check off the list.
Nik leaves for Japan tomorrow. I'm going to miss her, and I'd be lying if I said I wasn't envious. I can't afford it though, and I don't deserve it. Not yet. I have too much work to do, and when she's gone, I'm going to write write write like a madman. Late into the night, like I used to paint into the night when I was a art student. Getting lost in the color. Now, I'll get lost in the words. That's what editing is for right?
Ok, today- spend time with Nik, work on a chapter of the book, eat healthy, use up the final days of my gym membership, teach some yoga, eat some grub with Gabe. Boots of Responsibility are on. Time to use them.