I just spent a couple hours, well, most of the flippin' day, reading, researching, learning about how to build a brand, updating my website, doing all this online stuff.
My head hurts. There is a dull throbbing between my eyes, right at my third eye. The energy, the focus, the internal power is buzzing. I'm doing something right. I'm exploring worlds that make me uncomfortable. Like trying to figure out how to buy parkerhurley.com off someone who uses it to promote tractor pulls.
Maybe this dull throbbing is a compass, pointing me in the right direction. I'm being forced to deal with the discomfort. It would be easier to use the internet for what I first used it for- porn. Distraction.
When confronted with a existential challenge, we got one way or the other- fight or flight.
I'm a flighter, as Emily Fletcher puts it. It's easier to run to the distractions, to disconnect from the conversation going on, to turn off with tv, or drugs, or video games, or loveless sex.
But then I end up right back where I was. Alone. Depressed. Completely and utterly unfulfilled.
It's time to break the pattern. That's what it means to be a human hero. Better said, one of the many things that make a human hero. Navigating through the pain. Feeling the discomfort, memorizing it so you truly know what it feels like. So you can learn from it, and know that you never want to come back to that same, deep, dark, spot again.
It's all a practice. Externally, physically, but even more so, internally. That's where the fulfillment lies. The dull throbbing in my third eye. The lightning bolt. That contained energy that pushes me towards being better, every day. The fuel of a human hero, one that is forever in training.