Balance and responsibility

I had all these ideas in the shower about what I wanted to write.
Things I need to do, things I want to do.
Things I must do, things I must leave alone. 

It's a challenge to find balance. 

Everyday. 

When we're walking- right foot forward, left foot forward- how often do we think about all the pieces of the puzzle being put together, simultaneously, to keep us on our feet. 

It seems so easy. Second nature. 

But it didn't start that way. 
We had to learn how to stand on our own to feet.

First on all fours.
Crawling, gripping, pulling, pushing. 

Then one knee at a time. Building that strength and stability. 

We'd fall on our ass, we might even fall on our face. 


But we kept trying because there was wonder in seeing the world from a new perspective. Wobbly heels eventually become rooted in the ground. Toes gripping for a hold, eventually relax comfortably onto the earth. 

And then life kicks into overdrive, and our feet are knocked the fuck out from underneath us. 

I have two scars 6 inch scars on my chin. 

I'm struggling with my Responsibility right now. 

Doing the right thing has a different meaning everyday. 

Knowing when to step away, and knowing when to do the work.

"The universe is under no obligation to be understood by you."

Right now, I think being responsible meaning showing up. 
It always means showing up. Being honest despite the fear. Knowing fear is only temporary. Knowing all feelings, thoughts, are only temporary. 

Standing on my own two feet.
Moving forward, not backwards, and certainly not standing still.  
Arms extended by my sides, walking along that balance beam. 
 

It's raining now. 
Let it rain.